Walking has always been my favorite way to de-stress and stay in shape. As much as I love this activity, on occasion it is hard to get going. I'm new in town and often lacking a workout buddy. Walking the loop in my apartment complex can become tedious...and quite boring at times. Yes, I'll remind myself that the weather is beautiful and many people up north are snowed in. This helps to change my perspective but sometimes it's not enough. So yesterday I came up with an idea. I was in another area doing my shopping and decided to find a local park. Fortunately, I keep a stash of workout clothes in my car and there are plenty of parks in the Tampa Bay area. So I headed to Crescent Lake Park which was within five minutes of where I was doing my shopping. Walking around the lake, seeing people outdoors with their kids, dogs, and kites absolutely invigorated me. Let's just say my forty minute walk turned into an hour and five minute walk because I didn't even stop to check the time. Next time your workout seems boring and mundane, tweak it a bit like I did...sometimes a simple change is all that is needed to get going again.
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Like many others, when I have nothing to do or a few minutes to kill, I log onto a social media site to see what is going on with others. Now I'm usually doing this out of boredom and not for any particular real reason. Not one to chat, I am popping in to simply see what others are doing.
Well, this is one of those habits I've decided to break and I'll tell you why. While I stay on social media to keep in touch with friends and family who live in other cities, I find that most of social media simply makes me cranky. No one tells the whole story on there and seeing everyone so "happy" doesn't do much for your self-esteem when you are bored out of your mind, possibly overwhelmed, and perhaps a little lonely. While I occasionally log on there and see a recipe I'd like to try out or giggle at someone's funny post, the more prevalent feeling is inadequacy. Now I'm not an insanely jealous person but I do want to make myself feel better rather than feel worse. So the solution I've come up with is to keep my social media accounts but limit my use. No more visits out of boredom and maybe I'll make it a rule to only go on when I'm in great spirits. I'll let you know how it goes. In my early forties, I am just now beginning to speak my mind. It has never come easily. Whether in line at a grocery store or making a shared decision with coworkers, I have often been "run over" by others. Saying something...anything...is not always easy. Even writing about this issue seems painful and uncomfortable. What I have learned, mostly though watching others and their interactions, is that how you say something matters more than what you say. Smiling goes a long way. So does respectfully disagreeing. Not up for a debate? Fine. Simply say "We're all entitled to our opinions." A hard lesson for me has been the realization that there will always be criticism, negativity, and malcontent...the key is to navigate it and not let it permeate into your own being.
I've always disliked going to work on Valentine's Day. From the questions about my love life to others gushing about their Valentine's Night plans, the day gives me a headache. This year I decided to simply focus on my class and how I could make it a memorable day of friendship and love for my students. I left work feeling amazing, only to come home and hear about the tragedy in Parkland, FL. "Another school shooting?" was my first thought. Next, I put myself in the shoes of the children and teachers who went to work or school thinking that it was just another day. All of a sudden, Valentine's Day took a back seat and somehow I doubt I'll ever think of the holiday the same in future years.
When I first dreamt of creating this website, many thoughts crossed my mind. Would I reach my goal of helping others? Would people snicker about my perspective/attitude/thoughts? What would others say (to my face or otherwise)? Most importantly, I feared that singles would continue to be viewed as lonely, isolated, miserable individuals who just couldn't find their place in society.
Just this morning I was mindlessly looking at what was out there media-wise for singles on Valentine's Day. I expected to see more of the same. Ideas for making the day bearable, deals for dating websites, anti-Valentine's themes, and tips for helping singles to make this their last V-Day as a single. Well, I was pleasantly surprised! Among the many articles out there on these cringe-worthy topics, there were articles that discussed the #WhyI'mSingle trend on twitter. Apparently, people are waking up and realizing that being single isn't quite the end of the world. At least it doesn't have to be. As I've mentioned before, I am an elementary level teacher. Two months ago, I attended an anti-bullying rally with my class. As I listened to a police officer rap about how students should "ignore that foolish stuff", I thought of the number of adult bullies I have encountered in my daily life. Now I'm not saying that I've been bullied any more than the average adult has and that you should pity me. What I am saying is that it is out there. While I believe that this is an issue we should tackle at a young age, many adults battle bullying within their families, work places, on the road, or out in public.
You're too skinny. You talk too much. Was your hair always that thin? He'll leave you if you don't change. Yes, others can make comments to your face or behind your back. It has happened to me and it has happened to all of us. What matters most is how we deal with it. Letting others determine your self worth lets them win. Ignore that foolish stuff and make your own life a good one by doing your part and not being an adult bully yourself. Since I'm new in town, I decided to give online dating another whirl. Three months in and I'm finding that men in my new city are no different than those in my former city. Not here to complain. I'm merely stating the facts.
Last weekend, I enjoyed a "date-free" weekend and surprisingly I had a ton of fun! Yes, I had more fun exploring two nearby towns and hitting up several Goodwill and thrift shops hunting for treasures for my home and classroom than I did meeting virtual strangers who said they'd "be in touch" before vanishing. I realize that while I enjoy the social aspect of meeting people, I despise the pressure that comes along with a "cold" meeting. Think about it. A profile never tells the whole story and what you meet is probably not what you've conjured up in your mind. I'll stop rambling enough to get to the point. A hiatus can feel damn good. Ever since I can remember, I have always wanted to make a difference in the lives of others. From childhood dreams to creating a more peaceful world to volunteering at a homeless shelter as a college student to creating this website to inspire others to have a different attitude about singlehood--helping others is in my blood.
Yet, when I think about how I can really help other people it comes down to something very simple. Stay positive. It is easy to get caught up in gossip, whether it is at work or within your own family. I am a reformed gossip myself. I spent my twenties and thirties trashing coworkers on more occasions than I'd like to admit. Why? I couldn't even tell you. Maybe it was my insecurity. Perhaps it was my desperate quest to "fit in" with others and make them laugh. Looking back, it was counterproductive and downright mean. I never came away from those gossip sessions feeling better about myself. Easiest way to help others and make your workplace or family a better place is by not chiming in. My new year's resolution is to keep up with this wellness column. Between my move to Tampa after 17 years of living in Jacksonville, various illnesses within my family, and a new job, I have dealt with my share of stress over the past couple of months. I know, I know...it's not an excuse. I am sorry....and I will get it together in 2018. I'm looking forward to bettering this singles website and helping others. In the meanwhile, MERRY CHRISTMAS to all!
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As a brand new wellness coach, it is my goal to apply my newfound knowledge to my passion in life: helping other singles. Check back each week for wellness tips that will inspire and encourage all. Archives
September 2018
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