Several years ago I seemed to meet the same man twice. Well, not exactly but it sure felt this way. I’ll refer to them as “R” and “M” and keep this story short since I really don’t want to relive my time with either man.
While these two men were not twins, looking back they shared many similarities. Their routine was the same. I never became the girlfriend of either. Rather, we would just “hang out”. Sure, both took me on a cursory date or two. The chivalry ended right there. These two men were experts at the Houdini routine, or “ghosting” as the younger set refers to this mode of operation. Meaning they would appear and disappear, repeatedly. Both canceled dates at the last minute and seemed sincere in their excuses. Once it was a last minute switch up at work, another time a death in the family, then vertigo struck. Both men complimented me to the hilt and seemed to “like" me on some level. Our relationship became physical, but I was too stupid to realize that neither man wanted more than once in a while fun.
Now, this wouldn’t have been a bad thing if I was looking for something similar in a man. I’ll admit that I wanted more. I was honest with both guys, and the cycle continued.
I used to wonder, “How could anyone be so crappy?” and then I realized it. The answer is simple. I allowed it.
A male friend of mine made a suggestion of the one chance rule. It is simple. Everyone that you meet gets one chance to cancel at the last minute or make an excuse. If they do it again, they are history. At the time I thought it was harsh. One strike and you’re out? Then I decided to test out his advice. I didn’t have as many “dates” anymore but I had much less garbage in my life. No more games, no more “I’ll call you” with a text message three weeks later. No more wondering why he wouldn't respond to my facebook friend request, accompany me to a party, or meet my friends. More nights alone, but at least they were peaceful.
While these two men were not twins, looking back they shared many similarities. Their routine was the same. I never became the girlfriend of either. Rather, we would just “hang out”. Sure, both took me on a cursory date or two. The chivalry ended right there. These two men were experts at the Houdini routine, or “ghosting” as the younger set refers to this mode of operation. Meaning they would appear and disappear, repeatedly. Both canceled dates at the last minute and seemed sincere in their excuses. Once it was a last minute switch up at work, another time a death in the family, then vertigo struck. Both men complimented me to the hilt and seemed to “like" me on some level. Our relationship became physical, but I was too stupid to realize that neither man wanted more than once in a while fun.
Now, this wouldn’t have been a bad thing if I was looking for something similar in a man. I’ll admit that I wanted more. I was honest with both guys, and the cycle continued.
I used to wonder, “How could anyone be so crappy?” and then I realized it. The answer is simple. I allowed it.
A male friend of mine made a suggestion of the one chance rule. It is simple. Everyone that you meet gets one chance to cancel at the last minute or make an excuse. If they do it again, they are history. At the time I thought it was harsh. One strike and you’re out? Then I decided to test out his advice. I didn’t have as many “dates” anymore but I had much less garbage in my life. No more games, no more “I’ll call you” with a text message three weeks later. No more wondering why he wouldn't respond to my facebook friend request, accompany me to a party, or meet my friends. More nights alone, but at least they were peaceful.
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